A little over three months since I’ve last wrote.
And I hate to admit this, I really hate it and I hate using the word hate, but I haven’t written much on paper in the last three or four months, either.
I’ve been busy. Real busy.
Have you seen the latest thing on “busy”? We all just say we’re “busy” to get out of things, conversations, social interactions in real life. Bizarre, but true. I have been busy. Busy trying to make money. Busy raising two kids on my own. Busy renting my own space to live with said children. Busy meeting people and making connections. Busy healing. Busy trying to attain stillness. It’s a wild world out here! You know! You’re not alone – I am here with you. And to be honest, I’m quite lazy. And lately, very depressed.
So, autumn is ending. And quickly – the days continue to get darker earlier, solstice is almost here and the good ol’ holidaze.
At the end of August, just days after my last post, I relapsed. I drank two nights in a row. The second night, completely blacking out.
During the month of September, life really took a turn and got shook up. In October, I had reached my breaking point and by November I was in therapy every week and continue to see my therapist regularly. Today is 102 days sober. I’m doin’ it, y’all ! I’m living sober, and clean! And damn, does it feel GOOD to be a gangsta!
SO GOOD! So clean and open and vulnerable that I’m finally here to move forward with my healing. A main reason, as mentioned in another post, I started therapy was my identity (crisis?)- that is, my adoption. I gotta say, my therapist is good! She knows me quite well now… the only disadvantage is that she isn’t an adoptee. However, she has helped and continues to help me tremendously.
Healing adoption trauma is not for the weak. It isn’t easy by any means. It requires your full attention and I truly think the only way to really get through it, and I mean REALLY walk out on the other side is through immense awareness.
You may not know this, but my blog subtitle used to read “Ramblings of a shawombyn…”
You know what kind of people I REALLY love? The people who are sober for reasons like, “ALCOHOL IS JUST ANOTHER CRIME ON HUMANITY. ALCOHOL IS BIG BUSINESS AND THRIVES ON YOUR UNWILLINGNESS TO COPE AND BE EMPOWERED!” Those are my people. (It’s fuckin true. Wake up, it’s about to be Two-Thousand Nineteen. We need one another.) *also tho, no judgement. You do you boo, but I’ll be over here*
Peace on Earth~
& So It Is.